Creating a safe workplace environment for mistakes to be made and accountability to be held.
Many of us have experienced frustration and even anger at work about an agreement that’s been broken. The way you handle this defines your workplace culture. Do you lash out and reprimand the person who failed to honor the agreement? Do you silently harbor resentment while passive aggressively letting them know of your disapproval? These methods of communication cause stress for everyone and are detrimental to your health, the success of the project, and the longevity of your company. Fortunately there’s another way to handle broken agreements – a way which allows you to air your frustrations while maintaining trust, holding accountability and furthering progress.
The Ripple Effect
The impact of a broken agreement ripples out like a pebble dropped in water. The progress of a project is slowed and an entire team’s ability to get work done can be hindered. This often proves especially frustrating when agreements are broken repeatedly by the same person. Yet broken agreements are bound to happen. The way in which you handle them can make or break the success of the project and directly relates to the work culture you are creating.
So how do you handle broken agreements effectively? By practicing and applying three ingredients to any conflict. I have found that by staying curious and vulnerable while maintaining accountability, conflict turns to collaboration.
Curiosity Crumbles Conflict
Often when we become frustrated or angry, we stop caring about anybody else except ourselves and our own motives. Our limbic system takes over, the animalistic part of our brains responsible for fight/flight/freeze and tend/befriend, and we take action to make sure we get what we want, when we want it. This reaction serves us well when the emergency alarm in our building goes off, and we have to get out of there fast! Where this reactionary state doesn’t serve us is when we’re relating to other people and working together to create a product or finish a project. Our anger, caused by our moralistic judgments and unmet needs, is the stimulus for our blame, defensiveness, and resentment. And where does all that get you? Holding the project by yourself with no support or team alignment… or worse.
So then what? Enter curiosity. What if, instead of filling the conversation with a dismissive, argumentative reaction, you kept the space open for understanding? When we bypass the limbic system, there is an opportunity to tap into our neocortex, the part of our brains responsible for language and consciousness. However, this is not an easy thing to do because when we’re angry, we quickly lose the ability to stay open. Therefore, practicing curiosity so that it becomes a perfunctory reaction is key.
One way to practice curiosity is by asking questions such as “What happened?” “Where did things go wrong?,” and “How could I have supported you better?”
Vulnerability – Emotions Are Messengers
When we mix our emotions with our judgements about the person who broke the agreement, we get a stormy mix of blame and resentment. By recognizing the impact of the break and separating it from our judgement of the person, we open up the dialogue to repair. When we can openly share emotions and impact without passing judgement, that is what I call vulnerability.
So what does vulnerability look like and how can we wield it efficiently without going into a long processing meeting that feels like it will never end? Let’s start with emotions. They live in our bodies and are messengers who tell us when we need something or a boundary has been crossed. If we’re angry about a broken agreement, chances are high there is something very important to us that’s missing. When we gain awareness of that need by staying curious and asking ourselves questions, we can acknowledge and move past the anger quite quickly. Going through this process out loud, in front of the person who broke the agreement, is sharing vulnerably.
Accountability is HELD
Emotions and curiosity are great but you need to know you can count on your team to get the job done too. Accountability is very important in the workplace. But what is accountability?
At LUMAN, we define accountability as measurable ownership of the outcomes you create. Using a project management tool is paramount when holding others accountable. Without knowing (or accounting) who’s doing what and by when, projects become open-ended and can create unnecessary anxiety.
Accountability is also held. It must be held not only by the person taking ownership of the task but also by the people who are impacted by that task. Yes, that’s right. If everyone is taking ownership of seeing that the tasks get done, then the person executing on that task is held in accountability. It is every person on a team’s responsibility to make sure everyone else is set up for success. If one of the team members fail, the entire team fails.
For example, if I tell my team that I am going to write a report by Friday on our weekly social media stats, and my teammate sees the immense amount of work I have this week, that teammate has an opportunity to hold me in accountability. She can say “Wait a minute, are you sure you have the bandwidth this week?,” prompting me to also hold accountability.
This is different than micro-managing. Micro-managing assumes control over every aspect of the project including the outcomes. However, in this example, the teammate is able to see what I may not see for myself and points it out so that I can take ownership of the outcomes. The teammate helps me have a more realistic view of my ability to follow through on my agreements. To me, this is what working as a team is all about. Holding each other, in accountability, so that the entire team can function like a well-oiled machine.
Call To Action
Clearing broken agreements effectively needs all three elements – curiosity, vulnerability and held accountability. Curiosity keeps you open to understanding and less reactive.Vulnerability shows you are human too and connects you to the person rather than the problem. Held accountability paves the way for more successful future agreement-making, defines clear ownership, and makes for a more cohesive team. Which one of these, if not all of them, do you need to practice in order for your entire team to be truly successful?
Need to clear a broken agreement? Schedule a 20 minute discovery call with Kat TODAY and find out how she can help you! https://calendly.com/kat-nadel/discovery-call.
To learn more about how to practice the three ingredients needed to clear broken agreements, watch Kat’s talk at Ecosystm.